Destiny Star's Blog

I’m reading a book my priest recommended for me. It’s supposed to be a good primer on a philosophy that has helped Christians leave things up to God and to be content for almost as long as Christianity has been around. The book is called Letters From A Stoic and it’s by Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Seneca wrote shortly after Christ’s crucifixion, and many believe he was incredibly influential on early Christian thought. It’s known for sure that he was influential on early church fathers. St. Augustine quotes him, and St. Jerome wrote high praise of him.

So far, I’ve found a lot about being content with the life that God gives you, whether that’s poverty or riches, and being content whether you go from one to the other. He gives good insights on friendship and other people. He talks about how too much time in the world is detrimental to the soul.

It’s helping me deal with my fears as best I can, and helping me realize that whatever I’m afraid of is unlikely to destroy me. It’s an incredible book for those who are looking to learn more about techniques for putting things in God’s hands, even though Seneca was never a Christian and didn’t write much specifically about God, just about living.

This is my prayer to my patroness, St. Mary Magdalene

St. Mary Magdalene, penitent who had the courage to wash Jesus’ feet with your tears and dry them with your hair, pray for me to your friend, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that He will grant me the great gifts you were given.

Ask Him to teach me your penitence, that I may weep at His feet for forgiveness of my sins, as you did.
Ask Him to show me a penance as perfect as yours, that I may serve Him as perfectly as you did.
Ask Him to show me the miracle of His resurrection with the clarity He showed it to you.
Ask Him to teach me humility, for while my sin of pride was not as great as yours in your sin, I am still too proud of my beauty and do not use it for His purposes.
Ask Him to grant me the peace and the joy of serving Him that he taught to you.
Ask Him, as He cast seven devils from you, to drive the devil’s influence from my life.
Ask Him to show me the forgiveness He showed to you, as I weep at His feet.

Pray for me, St. Mary Magdalene, that I may find my way out of sin and perfectly into His service as you did.
Amen

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Hooray! My scholarship fund is set up through my friend’s church! Their congregation is putting some money in, and hopefully other people will soon be willing to donate or give grants. I want to thank God for putting these amazing people in my life, and thank this church for making it possible for all the people who want to help to do so.

They’re a small house church in Kansas taking me on as a project, and eventually others as well. They’ve set up the scholarship to be “for the purpose of funding the education of sex workers who have found Jesus Christ and wish to leave their time as sex workers behind them.”

So within a few days, I’ll have an address through the church where donations can be sent, but right now I’ve got a paypal account where donations can be made. This is amazingly exciting to me, as it’s unlikely I’ll get much financial aid through the school, as they disburse their funds at the beginning of the fall semester.

I applied for the Spring semester because admission was less competitive and because I’d already missed the deadline for the Fall semester, and I want out of this line of work. So, if you want to donate to the scholarship fund which will help me (and eventually others working in sex industries) out of my line of work and into school, click the paypal button at the end of this post or in the sidebar!

God bless my friend Eric and his flock for doing this to help me and others like me!

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Shauna told me tonight about a job she’s thinking of taking. She says she’s considering becoming a dominatrix. Apparently the money is better than stripping, better than being a regular escort even. The trouble is, you apparently have to spend a couple months in training.

So basically, what she’s decided she’s going to do is keep dancing for about as long as I am. The only difference is that during the day, she’s going to be a “slave” to a man who specializes in teaching girls to be dominatrices. At the end of that time, he’ll set her up with a couple of clients who’ve been begging this “master” to be some girl’s slave.

Part of me is repulsed at the idea, but part of me knows that I’d have jumped at this chance if it had come along a couple of years ago. I’d have loved to be taking the chance to vent some rage on men who were just asking for it.

It’s so strange to think that if I had met a different person a couple of years ago, rather than preparing to go off to a school that will make me able to get out of this life, I’d be deeper into it than ever. I’d be beating sweaty, little stockbrokers with whips and doing other nasty things to them.

I’m trying to get Shauna to go to mass with me, but she’s already a lapsed Catholic who doesn’t see what the church can do for her. I pray God will give me the strength to help her out of this situation she’s putting herself in.

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A church run by an old friend of mine from high school has agreed to help me out! They’re setting up a scholarship fund that will let people who feel inclined to donate money to help me out and get a receipt allowing them to claim a tax deduction, which is incredible! I’m feeling so amazingly blessed!

They’re not sure how long it will take before they can have absolutely everything set up, since the fund needs its own bank account and some other issues, but he’s saying it should be within the week!

I’m very excited, as I’ve had a couple people ask how they can help. They say they can also take donations of the parts my computer guy is going to need to build my computer, since that’s going to be another $4,000 or so. As soon as I figure out how to post a link to the wishlist on a computer parts website he made for me, I’ll do that.

So, things are looking up, and it just goes to show that when you trust in the Lord, He will show the way!

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Tisha was raped tonight. Sadly, this isn’t uncommon around here. Most of us have been raped at one time or another, even me. The entrance for us girls is around back and we have a small parking lot just for us and the waitresses and bouncers. The waitresses never seem to get bothered, but whenever one of us goes out without a bouncer along, something seems to happen.

Tisha left last night for a little bit. She said she was just going to run to her car. Maybe it was to do some coke, since she has a bit of a habit, maybe it was to blow some customer for a little extra to help feed her coke habit. Maybe she just went out to get some lipstick or a different outfit to wear. She wasn’t really in the mood for details. When she came back in, her clothes were ripped up, she was bleeding, and she was beaten. She’d been raped for nearly half an hour by a group of guys who hit her over the head and held her down.

This isn’t much different from a lot of girls’ stories, mine included. Most of us have been raped at least once going out into that parking lot, or going to a private party, or even just in one of the private booths that are supposed to be for lapdances. It just happens. Yet another reason I’m on my way out of this business. I’m tired of living my life under the constant threat of being raped just for working where I work.

I don’t think I want to tell my stories about this right now. Right now I’m just going to grab my bag and go stay with Tisha for a while, or get her to come stay with me. I just don’t want her to be alone, like she will be if she stays at her place without someone there. Hopefully I’ll be able to get her to come to church with me. I know Jesus will be able to help her if she’ll talk to Him…

So everyone please pray for her….

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I’ve gotten some questions about how I came to Jesus, so I thought I’d share the story. It’s kinda hard for me to talk about, so I don’t know how much I’ll be able to tell, but I’ll try.

It really happened right after my third rape. I was lying in bed at home crying my eyes out for probably the fiftieth time that day. I was sore all over. My right eye was still swollen shut and I couldn’t walk straight to save my life. I couldn’t sit down, all I could do was lie on my side and whimper…

Miranda, who’d found me afterwards, gotten me to the hospital, and brought me home had gone out to get groceries and to tell everyone at the club what had happened. She’d been raped the first time about a month before, so she was looking to take care of someone and try to take some control back.

Like I said, though, this was my third time, so all I was wanting was to die. I literally felt like the only way these things would stop happening to me was if I were to kill myself, and that sounded like a damn good trade-off. If I’d been able to move, I probably would have done it.

As it was, Miranda got home right as I was feeling my worst, and had brought her priest home with her. He was incredibly kind, and sat with me, just listening as I cried and talked about what had happened and how it made me feel. He just sat and told me he was here and that he’d listen to anything I had to say.

Then, when I stopped crying, he told me that no matter what, there was Someone who would always love me and care for me, whatever might happen to me and whatever I might do. He talked to me about how much Jesus loved me and how much He’d gone through to show His love for everyone. He talked to me about my pain and suffering and how all the worst things that happened to me were what gave me the greatest potential to be one with Him.

The two of them sat with me for hours, talking to me, listening to me, and taking care of me. They helped me feel better and started taking me to mass. Eventually, I joined the church, was baptized and confirmed. Now I’m trying to make something of my life and be the person Jesus wants me to be.

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My name is Destiny, and yes, I’m a stripper. I got into stripping through a long series of things happening that I’ll tell you about another time, but I’m tired of being a stripper. The club I work at is in a bad part of a town that isn’t all that nice to begin with. The owner doesn’t really care what happens to us so long as we keep brining in money.

I’ve been dancing since the day I turned eighteen. I’m twenty-two now, so I’ve been dancing to make men want me for four years. I let things get in my way and put me in bad positions. I’ve done bad things and had bad things done to me.

Our customers are mostly guys who aren’t getting any at home. Guys whose wives have cut them off. Guys who can’t get a girl to even look at them. Old men whose wives have died. Stripping is supposed to be a step up from hooking, but around here it doesn’t feel like it. Its definitely not a long step.

Most of the girls can’t make enough in tips without going down on the occasional guy in a corner booth. I’ve done it from time to time. I won’t anymore though. I’m getting out. I became a Christian this year, and am working hard to get out of this life. I’m fortunate I haven’t gotten pregnant like some of the girls. I haven’t had to have an abortion or try to work through a pregnancy.

Around here, though, there’s nothing for a girl with no school and no one to help her out except stripping and whoring, especially not if she has a drug habit or a kid. I thank God every day that I avoided that.

Because I’ve become a Christian, this blog is sort of my confession. I’m letting people know what I’ve been through so that hopefully other girls can learn and avoid having these things happen to them. I’m already on my way out. I’ve been accepted to one of the best design schools in the country. I just have to raise the money for the first semester of tuition and get my computer.

It’s going to be tough. The first semester’s tuition is more than I normally make in six months, and the computer they expect me to have costs almost as much as a crappy used car. I’ll get it done with the help of the good people around me and my Lord and Savior.

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