Destiny Star's Blog

So, apparently because I’ve done something immoral in my past, I’m not allowed to have opinions about other people doing immoral things… Here I thought I understood that Jesus forgives sins…

Yesterday I did a little bitter of Twitter activism in the Maine referendum on allowing gay marriage. I’m Catholic, as I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now, and so my opinion on that is pretty set. I agree with the church’s teaching that homosexuality is a sin and shouldn’t be endorsed by the state through the marriage subsidy.

Because I endorsed the radical position on twitter that marriage means a man and a woman starting a family together, I was roundly criticized by a large number of people, some of them claiming to be Christians, which makes me curious as to their rationale for rejecting the teachings of Christianity in that matter over the last 2000 years?

Christ created His Church to provide guidance in the lives of His followers on earth until His return, and for the last 2000 years, that Church, through all it’s mainstream incarnations, Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant, has recognized that homosexual actions are sinful in the eyes of God.

Now, however, at the dawn of Christianity’s third millennium, some churches have decided that God doesn’t think sodomy is such a bad thing after all.

Some compare this to teachings on slavery. I fail to see the comparison. The bible and church tradition, while recognizing the existence of slavery among mankind, sought to control it by creating restrictions on the keeping and treatment of slaves.

The controls placed on the sin of Sodom have always been among the strictest. Leviticus places it among the things bearing the penalty of death (admittedly, most Levitican laws bore death sentences for their violation), and St. Paul, whose divinely inspired writings tempered many of the restrictions placed on Leviticus saw no reason to indicate that homosexual activity should be one of those laws that were no longer binding on Christians under the New Covenant.

For two thousand years homosexual actions have been held to be mortal sins of the highest order. The Catholic Church counts them among the sins “crying out to heaven for vengeance.” The others are Willful Murder, Sins of Sodom, Oppression of the Poor, and Defrauding Workers of Their Wages. (In case you didn’t notice, keeping slaves would violate at least two of those.)

Now, whatever you may think about homosexuals and their place in society, it’s hard to find any justification for a change in the way any church claiming to follow Jesus Christ to reject the clear teachings of all of Christian history. The only justification I’ve found is people’s unwillingness to accept that their friends and family may be entirely lost to their sins.

The Church’s teaching on the matter is fairly simple. If one’s sexual predisposition is towards homosexuality, then God has called one to be single and chaste, just as surely as those called to the religious life are called to remain unmarried and chaste.

Apparently loving Christ and refusing to accept that society should sanction and subsidize something inherently sinful that provides no clear benefit to society makes one mean, hateful, intolerant, evil, and a host of other unsavory adjectives. Jesus never said that it would be easy to follow Him. In fact, He was pretty clear that it would be hard, and that we would be hated for it.

We are all called to be like Jesus in His ability to love the sinner and hate the sin. I know it’s hard knowing that your homosexual friend is sinning and will likely never stop, but that doesn’t mean we can ignore 2000 years of God’s teaching to feel better about our friends’ lives.

It’s become somewhat clear to me that I need to make the contact policies I’ve set up for myself before starting this blog a lot more clear, because people are persistently trying to get me to violate them. I’ve put these policies into place for my own protection, as I’ve had stalkers in the past, and have already started getting creepy e-mails from people I don’t know.

First, Destiny Star and Destiny Statler (my facebook name) are both pseudonyms. Their relation to either my stage name or my real name, or both, is left to your own speculation. I do this because I don’t want people visiting me. With my name, you could probably find news stories about some of the things I’ve already talked about in my blog, or things I will in the future. I’m not OK with that.

All my stories are the truth of what happened to me, so I make it as difficult as possible for people to find me by searching news stories. If you want to crawl through four or more years of every newspaper of every town in the US trying to figure out where I live, you’re welcome to do that. I’ll be long gone by the time you’re done.

Second, I will not give any real place names, whether for the club I work at, the parish where I attend mass, the design school I’ll be attending come January, or any streets I happen to visit or mention. Again, I don’t want people tracking down where I live, especially since I’m not sure this town has a local newspaper online.

Third, the only way to contact me is via electronic means, or, once they are able to do so safely enough for my satisfaction, through the small house church which has been kind enough to set up the Destiny Scholarship Fund. I’m not going to call you. I’m not going to write you a letter, unless it is passed through that house church.

Fourth, I don’t use real names for my friends here. Miranda has never been called Miranda in real life, nor Jennifer Jennifer. My priest gets called Father all the time in real life, but so does every other Catholic priest in America.

I can easily be contacted by e-mail at destinystar22@gmail.com or at destiny@destinystarblog.com. The first of these is much more likely to get a prompt reply. The second is largely used for internal communication with the people involved in helping me with my blog or the technical side of my website. I also check my twitter direct messages and @ replies regularly, as well as facebook.

I also love to get blog comments and will reply to any that I have a relevant response to.

The rules come down to this: don’t act like a stalker, you won’t get treated like a stalker. Treat me like an online friend and I will treat you like an online friend.

Deadlines for school are looming closer and closer. As I’ve mentioned before, the design school I’m attending requires some pretty hefty computer equipment for its incoming freshmen, so that we only have to buy one computer for our five year course and can use the high-power programs we’ll need for our work.

Well, the deadline to certify that we’ve met the computing requirements is coming up fast and I still have no way to pay for the computer. So I’m going to ask my dear readers for help: I need $5,100 by the end of the week to be able to purchase the computer I need and have it assembled.

If you click the donate button on the left-hand side of the screen (or below) you can make a tax-deductible donation to the Destiny Scholarship Fund, which will help to send me to school, and then to send other former sex-workers who’ve found God to school to get us away from this life.

If you’d rather purchase a piece of equipment yourself and send it to them, they’ll get it passed on to me, and your donation will still be tax-deductible. E-mail me for their mailing address.

Yesterday, someone made a tweet about his radio show question about Halloween and the fact that no one was replying with a biblical justification for their opinions. I replied with a message about the Pope’s denunciation of Halloween as being dangerous to Christians with the biblical justification of Matthew 16:18, which is “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”

He responded saying that he wasn’t Catholic and I replied by asking how he biblically justified that given Matt 16:18. He proceeded to make some weak arguments attacking my character given my (now former) profession, and by making a few semantic arguments about how Catholics calling priests “Father” made us apostates because of some verse saying no one but God should be called “Father.”

He made a few other comments of similar irrelevancy without ever adressing how he justified rejecting God’s one, holy, universal (catholic), and apostolic church based on semantic distinctions when Jesus himself makes statements making clear Peter’s primacy of place among the Apostles.

The relevant passage is Matthew 16:17-19 which reads (in KJV for my protestant friends out there)

“And Jesus answered and said unto him, ‘Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven. And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.’”

In this, Jesus refers to the fact that he changed Simon’s name to Peter, and made a pun about the word for Peter in Aramaic (Cephas) being quite close to the word for rock. The pun works even better in the contemporary Greek, which Jesus also spoke.

Jesus states that He will build his church on Peter and that hell will never prevail against the church. He also tells Peter that he will give him the keys to the kingdom of heaven and that his word on earth will be as good as Jesus’ own personal word in heaven.

This was, at the time, undisputed to be conferred on whatever successors Peter might have. This is seen fairly clearly with Pope St. Clement’s epistle to the Corinthians of AD 95. Clement was the third successor to Peter and wrote to the Corinthians ordering them to receive back the bishops that a faction in the city had expelled.

This incident is telling because the Apostle John was alive in Ephesus at the time, which was much closer to Corinth. Clement’s letter was welcomed by the Christians of Corinth and had its effect of restoring the Corinthian bishops to their proper places. If the Corinthians appealed to Rome and Clement, it shows that they recognized the primacy of Rome over even an Apostle. If Clement wrote the letter of his own accord, it shows that the Church at Rome had already become conscious of a special authority over the rest of the church.

So, it’s pretty clear that from the earliest days of the church, back to the time of Christ, it was intended that Peter and his successors should be considered to be Christ’s Vicars on earth. So, anyone who claims to follow the bible literally and is not a Catholic, it seems clear to me, is not following with Jesus Christ’s own words recorded in Matthew 16:17-19.

The person arguing with me claimed that the Catholic church had become apostate. A simple review of the logic will show this to be impossible. Christ granted Peter and his successors primacy over the church itself, and, in fact, gave him the power to speak for Christ in matters of faith. When the man on the throne of St. Peter speaks on matters of faith, Christ says in Matthew 16:17-19, it is as Heaven wishes it to be.

I’ve gotten several e-mails asking me to write a book, and since November is supposed to be National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, I think I’ll do it. It’s going to be a big job, writing a book in 30 days, and hopefully I’ll be able to do it.

So, what would you like to read about? I’m thinking a semi-autobiographical novel rather than an actual autobiography. I’m just not to the point where I feel comfortable writing something that close to home since I’m also going to be trying to make a new life and avoiding acquiring stalkers at the same time.

So it’s fairly clear that I’m going to be writing fiction, though it’ll probably use elements of my own life. I’m also curious, have any of you done NaNoWriMo? How many have finished the project? What’s the most important thing to know about doing NaNoWriMo? Can NaNoWriMo be done while keeping up on a blog, because that’s part of my goal, too?

That’s the plan then: keep writing this blog and write a novel in the month of November. Think I can do it?

I’m reading a book my priest recommended for me. It’s supposed to be a good primer on a philosophy that has helped Christians leave things up to God and to be content for almost as long as Christianity has been around. The book is called Letters From A Stoic and it’s by Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Seneca wrote shortly after Christ’s crucifixion, and many believe he was incredibly influential on early Christian thought. It’s known for sure that he was influential on early church fathers. St. Augustine quotes him, and St. Jerome wrote high praise of him.

So far, I’ve found a lot about being content with the life that God gives you, whether that’s poverty or riches, and being content whether you go from one to the other. He gives good insights on friendship and other people. He talks about how too much time in the world is detrimental to the soul.

It’s helping me deal with my fears as best I can, and helping me realize that whatever I’m afraid of is unlikely to destroy me. It’s an incredible book for those who are looking to learn more about techniques for putting things in God’s hands, even though Seneca was never a Christian and didn’t write much specifically about God, just about living.

The curriculum at the school I’ve been accepted to is absolutely amazing. I thought I’d outline it so people can realize how much of a blessing my admission to this school is. It’s giving me the kind of chance I never thought I’d have to do some truly amazing things with my art.

The curriculum starts out with a full year worth of basic studio art and computer graphics classes. This is meant to give me and my fellow students the basis of an artistic vocabulary that will be necessary whatever field of design we wind up in. Also that year is a survey course of all the art and design majors that the Institute offers. At the end of the first year, I’ll be able to choose between 3D design, studio arts, and video arts fields of concentration, but not an actual major.

The second year is spent with the basic courses of the concentration I will have chosen. I’ll spend that year learning about each individual major in my concentration and what sort of work is done during the schooling for each major and what sort of work I would do in industry after I graduate. At the end of the second year, I’ll choose a major.

The third year I’ll spend learning specialized skills and software to complete the more advanced coursework, as well as more theory classes that my major might require. Third year is usually the toughest academically, but without the failure rate of the first year.

The fourth year is spent with the most advanced design and theory courses and studio projects. Midway through the fourth year, I’ll basically have earned a Bachelor of Arts, or Fine Arts, depending on the major I choose, but it won’t be awarded until I completely finish my course of study.

My fifth and final year I’ll spend in more course and studio work, as well as on creating a Master’s thesis or thesis project. At the end of the year, I’ll graduate with a BA or BFA and a MA or MFA in my chosen field.

All in all, the degree will probably cost me nearly $200,000. More financial aid will start to be available next fall, and I’m praying to God I get that. If not, I’ll likely be able to get scholarships as well to cover more of the costs, in addition to keeping the scholarship that gives me a free room and meal plan in their dorms.

So that’s the best description of the great blessing that’s been put right in front of me. I just have to figure out how to take advantage of it. Thirty-two thousand dollars sounds like a big hurdle, but how big is it compared to how far I’ve come?

For years I was an abused girl who got used for sex by every man in her life. I was lost and alone, working in a job where I got taken advantage of every night, lived in fear of being raped at any turn, and didn’t have any real hopes for the future but to maybe marry some rich man as a trophy wife and eventually get discarded for someone younger and prettier, hoping that I got enough to live off of in the divorce.

Now, I’m born again, well on my way to being a good Catholic girl who goes to mass every day. I’ve quit stripping, I’ve quit having sex, I’ve quit even associating with men very much. I’m admitted to a school that is to art and design what Harvard and Yale are to business and law, what MIT and Stanford are to computer science.

If I work hard the next five years of school, I’ll never have to strip or sell myself in any way to support myself and live a good life. I’ll have skills that will make me more valuable to employers than I’d ever imagined being. I’ll be free to live a life where I can give of myself to God and live the way He wants me to.

I’ll be able to marry a man who can see me as a woman who will help him and his children attain heaven, rather than as a pretty plaything to keep around as long as I’m interesting. I’ll be able to know that the man I marry will be able to look past my past sins and see me for who I am and for who I can be. Jesus told me that in our conversation in my dream, and told me that my gifts of art and my admission to the Institute were his gifts to me, I just had to take them.

Last night as I was stopping by the grocery store after going to a late mass, I saw the creepy guy from one of my last nights at work again. He was at my grocery store! This is really scaring me. I don’t know if he recognized me, since I was dressed for mass, not for work.

I don’t even know what’s going on I’ve been up all night with my pistol next to me, worried about what might happen next… I can’t bear the thought of being taken again, I just can’t. I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

I’m rocking myself, holding my rosary and praying for my safety as the night goes on. This guy just really trips all the wrong triggers with me. He was scary and creepy, and then he showed up in my neighborhood, just a few blocks from where I live. Where I live!

I can’t do this… I can’t live where I’m afraid that I’m being stalked constantly. I need to get out of this town. I need to get out of this life and into the new one that’s waiting for me. I can’t live on hold anymore.

I looked at my lease and it would cost me two thousand dollars to get out of my lease here and then about two thousand more to find a short-term place to rent near the Institute where I start school in January. I’m worried I’ll be taken and hurt again unless I make a break from my life here. If you can help me out with this, please, please help me. I need out of here.

Since I’m trying to get back on a normal person’s sleep schedule, I drank some chamomile tea and took a melatonin. That put me right out and I woke up at a reasonable time.

What happened in between, though, wasn’t something I was going to immediately blog about at first, because I’m sure some people will think I’m crazy for it.  I thought and thought and realized that there’s nothing crazy about it when I really think about it.

Last night, after falling asleep, I had a dream that was unlike anything I ever remembered dreaming about before.  Everything seemed incredibly real, but I somehow knew I was dreaming.

Shortly after I realized this, I found myself walking through a flower garden with lots of beautiful bushes, flowers, and trees I’d never seen before.  In the middle of the garden, sitting near a fountain, I saw a man and two women.

I went up to them and realized that the man was Jesus.  The women were Mother Mary and Mary Magdelen.  They said hello to me and asked me to join them.  Jesus told me right away that I was dreaming, and I told him that I knew.

We sat and talked like old friends for what felt like hours.  Jesus huged me and kissed me on the cheek and called me daughter whenever He spoke to me.  The Marys hugged me and called me sister.

They all said they were proud of me for the changes I’m making in my life, and Jesus told me that He has big plans for me.  We continued talking and eating, and in the end, they told me to enjoy my night’s sleep, and that they would try to see me again soon.

I’m not trying to claim that this was an actual appearance by Jesus and two Saints in my dream, because there’s no way I can really know that.  I don’t know whether it was just a lucid dream where I subconsciously decided I wanted to meet Jesus, Mary, and Mary Magdalene, or if they actually decided to come to me.

What I do know is that it was easily one of the most moving experiences of my life.  I woke up this morning crying with the memory of it.  I haven’t felt so perfectly loved in years, and I haven’t felt so worthy of love in years.  If Jesus Himself tells you to your face that He loves you, how can you doubt that?  How can you doubt that He’s right to love you?

I know I can’t.  Today I’m happy.

So, now I’ve quit my job. I spent this weekend out with my friends from work, more or less saying goodbye. They promised to keep calling to spend time with me, but I know in my heart that won’t last long.

Really, all we had in common was that we worked in that strip club, and now I don’t. I’m not one of them anymore. I hadn’t really been one of them in a while. I didn’t go down on guys in the back for extra cash, didn’t have a drug habit, and didn’t dress like them outside of work.

Now, I’m even less like them. I go to mass every morning. I don’t strip. I dress in long skirts and blouses. I feel better about myself, and I’m happy to have put that life behind me.

I’m also scared and a little lonely. The girls from the club were really the only friends I had in real life. I always had enough money to get through the month. I didn’t have to worry about bills very often. Now I have to worry about all those things.

I have enough money in savings to cover my bills until the end of the year, which is about the best thing I can say. I still have that massive tuition bill and ridiculously expensive computer that I have to find some way to pay for.

How is an uneducated, jobless woman supposed to come up with $30,000 in tuition money and $5,000 in computer equipment before the middle of December? Someone please give me an answer to that, because I just don’t know. I’m praying about that every day, and I hope God will make the answer clear soon.

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